A webcomic of depression
sarcasm, irony, and ennui
QTJE updates whenever I can drag myself out of bed.

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fuck you i already got mine

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its like my townails practically clip themselves wow

our medical-grade toenail clippers is the safest and especially recommended for those with troubles with winding nails hard nails two nails nail cracks deep nails thickened nails etc

heres what you wanted its your welcome

okay fine i fixed the thing some uri changed to https which was causing the rank text to be this whole error messages which caused the loop that finds the font size to be infinite so i fixed the uri and added a timeout to give up if the rank text width doesnt decrease for 100 consecutive iterations

alright i looked into it

alright i looked into it and decided no

thanks ill look into it

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if youre stupid enough to change youre opinion about the election based on this webcomic of all funcking webcomics when how the fuck are you breathing

fyi that latest comic is directed only at people who agree with it if youre you dont agree with it then its not at you i know im not gonna chage youre mind

sǝʎ poƃ ʎɯ ɥo

a dark theme would be wicked














alright well if that was a bit too much for you then maybe this is more your speed human minds are fundamentally feeble all our species accomplishments are due to weak meta-intelligence comprising many humans networked by social interaction the chief difference between humans and animals is our capacity for high fidelity communication which enables the emergence of large and more complex networks

yes thats actually quite a common response and ive come to accept that its simply not possible to adequately express the concepts to a typical baseline human mind you r eally have to push it out of its normal operational parameters to make the relevant con nections thats okay thats okay everything is still on schedule


so thats the wrong question remember that were all just the sum of our circumstances the question isnt whats special about me its whats special about my circumstances what played the most significant role in the environment around me that ultimately caused genuine joe to come into being and how can we create a system of feedback that reinforces that kind of environment in other contexts? because the thing thats special about genuine joe that you dont realize until youve tried it the one thing you can take away from having been touched by gj is that learning can be applied on all scaled its a fundamental property of the universe and that means if you can really come to understand how learning works you can control circumstances that means you can give other people your own circumstances if you can just manage that and they can help more people and so on until weve pushed the circumstantial quality of the planet to the greatest limits entropy will allow we can give every mind mastery of its own universe

that was from an interview conducting with james stanley shortly before the start of the mental health program development program which is now nearing completion of its first phase the program has been in the news for very different reasons though why dont you tell us a little about that?

and today its a very special holiday that is near and or dear to mine own heart thank you for reading folks the story will continue shortly

do you think youll make joe again in the new program?

and the synths were a house of cards very expensive to keep running after the funding dried up the synths were mostly scrapped some of us kept a few modules but no one could really afford to use one and no one wanted to store all that junk so the synths are gone and youre not gonna make joe by hand ever since then money just hasnt been interested in rebuilding the program that might change soon though ive been in touch with the white house )

well it was a very special time there are lots of reasons you cant make genuine joe right now first off its illegal but that doesnt stop people making lsd joe is a more complex synthesis than acid though even when you make acid from scratch which you have to do with joe we didnt actually finish joe in the first lull it took us a full year to actual get everything dialed in even then the yield was low we kept maybe one in ten batches and one batch could take a hundred or more hours to finish

and the rest is history

genuine joe was another of those side projects we were about 5 years in by then and our frequently augmented brains had been sifting through lots of data you know doing what brains do one day i ate a few tabs sat down with a notebook and started composing went over it with the wizards for a couple of weeks and then as the synths started winding down for the next lull i started building

anyway we wound up with a lot of spare modules some months there would be little enough synth work that we could put together our own systems on the side have you ever had artisanal small-batch acid?

what the hell is a troll call

i wasnt actually one of the chemists i was an engineer working on the synths we had to make lots of very complex organic molecules in small quantities so we had this whole modular synthesis setup there were some seriously complex electronic control systems so they had this whole team of young hotshots fresh out of college paired with these old wizards who could debug a circuit by smell

obviously the project didnt work out though if youve been reading the news about the presidents new mental health initiative then this should sound kind of familiar back then we simply didnt have the tech to make it feasible from a computational standpoint

the idea was that if we could define a basis of effects describing a wide range of deviations from normal then we could catalog a vast collection of molecules according to their effects and apply the principles of negative feedback to control not just behavior but perception and thought as well

god bless you (503) 233-1313

actually thats my old number i always do this its (503) 639-3300

typo should been (503) 252-7700

i lied (503) 284-5666 is where im at

ok ok no more fakes this one is real (503) 774-9855

lol bamboozled its actually (503) 231-4352

oops i actually meant (503) 249-6986

i mean actually (503) 285-4691

and instead of that number its actually (503) 253-4848

except instead of twos there are ones

two two five nine three three eight u no the area code or you should

eh yo my number is 867-5309 pls call

there is 0% chance he will actually annually place calls through a cellular telephone btw

maybe fewer

i think there are four total computations

third party candidate 20202

welcome to the alt-center

more like a when? diagram

is this a venn diagram?

jts drugs

also color on p 18 http//qtjenet/?p=18

color! )

post-coitus they have returned to their game and conversation

warning this fanfiction is canon

pr soon they were hella getting it on

bleeps had a fully sentient mind but when he felt the hand on his thigh he gave over at once to irrational lust

not to mention youve got a missile of your own he smirked slyly glancing conspicuously at bleeps mcbeefs shining robo-pud

then looked away

stared a moment too long

they locked eyes

furthermore i have far more utility than a missile

this is a vital transitional comic please bear with us

added facebook lakes/ twitter retwits/ reddit upvets/ google+ +1s

some infrastructure changes hope nothings broken

qtje now uses ohnorobot for searchable comic transcriptions

new feature requested a long time ago but the technology back then just wasnt there click on the comic to go to the next comic except on comics where clicking on the comic does something different

i cant take a startup seriously until it releases a mobile app

new archive feature gives quick and easy access to all the comics at once and uses conventient hyperlink technology to grant immediate accesses

excuse me i believe youre thinking of goole+ +1s

this site need facebook lakes/ youtube subscribs/ twitter retwits/ reddit upvets/ google+ silence

ey bb u want sum fancomix?

ey bb u want sum fancomix?

for like a year

used sql alot

and by that i mean

if you want i can help i specialized in sql for a while

write codes to port the existing highly advanced text file-based database system to sql commands which is obvo huge potus

you know



gonna port to sql in like

qtje need infrastructure update comic uploading process hopelessly convoluted

is the qtje email still open? i send things occasionally

yay! i am so happy! dc

alright thats the bit news regulat comics resume monday

you know why this comic is shit? because shit just got real and this comic is real

new page is up big news coming in a few days

so just for the record the next page has been done for weeks but i dont have a scanner and its too complex for phone camera this time

i pledge $1

dae art?

kickstarter to afford a scanner

like this

op needs to deliver

op hasnt delivered

okay so like is there a deadline on that?

facebook executive here we are willing to buy you for $600000000000 usd as per previous comment

still waiting on update was going to offer a lucrative deal on the rights to this famous comic and brand

thats not a flow chart thats a rectancgle can we can some real content on this site my ads arent making me ne money


drugs are bad mmmkay

what this does?

op needs more content

lol nj

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*atf - this is an officious certification that bullshit is not a substance we regulate so carry on unless they form the abs or whatever i guess

*nsa - this is an official certificate of there is no bullshit have a nice day

*fbi - this is an official cease and desist order on all content including any and all instances of bullshit thank you for your cooperation

i see that the xkcd botnet has begun targeting the qtje forum luckily this has backfires as the qtje forum does not store post date information so it is impossible to forge prior art

but no more

ill give you that xkcd invented the stickwoman

qtje invented the stickman

this is a ripoff of xkcd op is a fag no oc here

we are considering hiring anonymous to rectify the spurious records if this becomes the case we will start an indiegogo project to raise the $100000 funds required

we expect to have content restored within the year

we at qtje are working hard to remove the conflicting comics such as xkcd which has through manipulation of digital records created evidence that it has existed before qtje and therefore has a trademark on the stick figure comic genre please bear with us

fuck i missed one

any eta on when itll be back?

the content of qtje has been removed due to copyright issues we apologize for the inconvenience

and yet ill still check this every day

day 23 i still have not worked up the force of will to draw the next comic

never leave me again

coffee faucet

my comment


moderator note we here at qtje do no condone the use of illegal marijuana drugs remember weed is drugs period




mary jane






a lot of fun youre clearly missing out on

wtf are penj***

dude wtf is a penj







dae qtje

xkcd doesnt understand human condition

xkcd is a great parody of this site you guys should check it out


ty qtje



the is the forum hello